TODAY is the day!

No really. Today. For sure. 100% positive.

Of course it is still early. I have a lot of day to get through. But I have not done a great job of getting back on track this New Year. I won't bore you with the details but suffice it to say there was lots of ice cream, French fries and Reese's peanut butter cups involved. It was fun while it lasted but the good times are over.  I really want to lose the last 30 pounds. Then I can be a lot less disciplined.

The good news is I know I can eat whatever I want and not gain weight. For the first time ever in my life. And it's so awesome. But I've stopped losing and that's totally bumming me out. So I'm back on my high protein diet today. Good thing I love meat!

Today's weight:  219 (yes I know that's up a few pounds....but nothing significant)
Exercise:  20 minute cardio DVD
Food Diary:

Huh.....I look GOOD!!

Lately, I see myself in the mirror and I actually like what I see. I watched a video on FB recently that really hit home. I think it was from Special K, but it talked about how women need to stop talking so ugly to themselves. Saying things like "my thighs are huge!" and "this makes my butt look fat!". Things we say to ourselves all.the.time. At least I know I do.  We would never say that to a friend. So why are we so self-critical?  Why can't we say "DAMN!  I look GOOD today!"??  Because then we'd be "full of ourselves". So maybe just saying to ourselves (but not out loud) is a good start. Just thinking it is enough.

DAMN I look good.....

Oh and Merry Christmas Eve! Still enjoying my sugary treats. Just for a few more days. Then it's back to low carbs and tracking my food. I plan to drop the last 28 pounds. Easy peasy.

New Family Pictures

I was so, so unhappy with my family pictures from last year (I already told you.....puffy face, frizzy hair, ugh!) that I made my family re-take them this year.  And they were SO excited.  NOT!!

So we headed out bright and early on a Saturday morning and got some great snaps.  I'm still not thrilled with me (what's going on with my HAIR???) but I'm so much happier with how I 'look'.  I still don't feel like I'm "small", you know what I mean?  I just feel like a normal size now, rather than morbidly obese.  And the sad thing is that when I reach 190 pounds, I'll STILL be 'overweight' according to the BMI chart.  That's crazy.  But whatever.....who cares......

Enjoy!!

My sweet, sweet boys!

At this point, I told them the quicker they smiled, the quicker we'd be done!
Zac is in the midst of losing all his teeth, so we captured the moment.  

Last year's.  I can really tell the difference here.

Sugar is the DEVIL!

Quick!  Name that movie!!

As of this morning I've officially lost 73 pounds!  I'm over 2/3 of the way to my goal of losing 100 pounds.  However, I've definitely hit a road block.  The hubs and I went on an adults-only vacation back in early November and I spent most of my time in our hotel room watching Criminal Minds reruns. The only accessible food was from the gift shop. And you know what they sell there. That's right....a bunch of bad food!!  So they had my favorites in stock: Reece's Pieces, Combos, and Cheddar popcorn. Now I want you to know, I went on this trip with the best of intentions. I planned to buy a bunch of high-protein foods when we got there. But we got in late, got lost and just went straight to the hotel. So my food choices on Monday were either a $30 hamburger from room service or the gift shop. I had also planned to work out every day. But this place was crazy expensive. They actually charged a daily rate for the gym!  So no. That didn't happen either. But here's my problem. I got started back on sugar. And now I can't quit it. It's got a sick hold on me. I did try. But at work, people keep bringing in sweets. And then you know what happened......the holidays!!!!  So seriously, TODAY is the first day in over a month that I didn't have any sweets. It was tough for me. I even had to yell NO to a coworker that tried to bring me some Reece's peanut butter cups....my favorite. It's hard work people!  Sugar is definitely my drug of choice and for me, I can't do it in moderation. I have to really just cut it out and stick with my protein. I really noticed a slow down in my weight loss when I got back on the sugar. Yes I know we're on the cusp of another holiday season. And I know I will have some sweets. But until then I'm fighting the urge with everything I have. And I still haven't had a soda since June. So there's that.

A note about my weigh-in today. Here's why it was monumental for me. I remember that 217 was the lowest I got when I lost a bunch of weight in 2010. So anything less than this will be the lowest I have been since high school. And that makes me want to cry tears of joy. I'm so happy right now I can barely stand it!  People are actually calling me skinny!!  I love it.

The picture below is the size 26 shorts I was wearing in June. Crazy, huh?

OH!  And that movie? It's Waterboy....a must-see If you haven't yet. 

10/21/13 Update

So I'm officially down 61.5 pounds today!  I now weigh 229 pounds.  It's been 109 days since my surgery (which is just over 3 months, so you don't have to do the math).  In some ways, it feels like forever and in other ways, it feels like yesterday.

I finally know how much/how little I can eat in one sitting.  My eyes were still way too big for awhile, but now I know that I can only eat about 1/4-1/2 cup at a time.  There for awhile, I thought if I just ate a little faster, I could get a little more in.  But that's W-R-O-N-G.  I have a hard time slowing down while I eat, but I'm working on it.  And I now know when to stop.  Which is crucial, let me tell you.

I am wearing the smallest clothes I have in my closet.....size 18's from my huge weight loss in 2010. I'm still 10 pounds higher than back then, but the clothes actually fit!  I can't believe it.  It's very exciting!!  However, I know in a few months, I'll have to face buying new clothes...and that's not a bad thing, right?

It's hard going out to eat with people who don't know I had WLS.  They stare at my plate with the tiny amount of food and just can't get over how little I'm eating.  So then I feel compelled to explain.  Which doesn't really bother me.  But it is interesting how people don't understand when people eat small amounts.  And then when they find out, they always feel guilty about eating in front of you.  Which makes ME uncomfortable.  *Sigh*  It's exhausting.

I completed my first 5K yesterday!!  It was a Graffiti Run, where they throw color on you at various points during the "race".  I did one in June, but (1) it was way too freaking hot and (2) I was carrying 60+ extra pounds, so I wasn't able to finish it.  But this time, I did!  My husband was kind enough to walk with me ('cause this girl ain't a runner....) and we finished the 3 miles in 50 minutes!  I normally walk a 20 minute mile, so that's major progress.  And I was so proud of my boys for finishing too (way ahead of us, of course)!

Size 18 pants from Old Navy

Before

After

It happened. Today!!

A day has come that I really never thought would come. I mean, yes I had the surgery and yes, I hoped it would work. But in the back of mind I was a little pessimistic. I've been doing well and making progress. However. Each time the weight loss slows a bit or I (gasp!!) actually gain a pound, I tell myself 'Well, that's it. I'm done.  But it's ok, I'm happy that I've lost 30 pounds. That's awesome!'.  Then the next day, I'm down another pound and it blows my mind again. So today it happened. I stepped on the scale. And it said (not out loud or anything....you know what I mean....) 240.6!  Do you know what that means?!?!?  I've officially lost 50 pounds. I'm halfway to my goal of 100 pounds.  In just 12 weeks (including the pre-op diet). I'm so excited I can barely stand it!  This has got me even more motivated. I actually went out and walked yesterday morning. It was only 70 degrees and felt amazing. And guess what else?  I'm in my size 18 clothes!  Now granted, some of them are tighter than others. But they zip and that's what counts, right?  In fact here's a pic of me in some size 18's (SO excited!!).

Confession Time

1.  In case you haven't noticed, I haven't posted on here since August 8th.
2.  I haven't been 100% faithful in tracking my food.
3.  I don't always remember to take my vitamin every day.
4.  I usually forget to take my calcium pill (Because it's chewable and it takes HORRIBLE!  However, I've recently switched to Calcium chocolate chewables and they taste SO much better).
5.  I still weigh myself WAY more than I should...usually in the morning and several times before bed.
6.  I eat my food way too fast.
7.  Which has caused me to throw up twice.
8.  And made me wish I could throw up more times than that.
9.  I still have eyes way too big for my stomach.
10.  I miss eating large volumes of food, so sometimes I don't want to go out to eat.  It's just sad.

In spite of all that, I'm still doing GREAT!!  I do not regret having this surgery one single day.  Not one!  It's the best decision I've ever made.  I'm still grieving the loss of food, but I'm finally getting used to the fact that I can't eat more than 5 or 6 bites.  Then I'm done.  I've thrown away more food than I care to think about.  And it kills me.  But it's a new fact of my life.

I'm back now and I'm re-committing to keeping up with this blog.  We'll see how long that lasts.  :-)

Here are some before/after photos, just for grins and giggles.

March 2013

August 2013 - down 40 pounds

Day before surgery

August 2013

 9/2/2013 Data:

Weight:  247.4 (43 pounds - yeah baby!!!)
Exercise:  20 minute walk with the fam